Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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