If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
