Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
