Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
