where am i from again
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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