I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
