Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
