Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
