R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
