Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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