It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
