one two three fourrrrnication!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
