I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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