we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
