its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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