like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
