I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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