I looked at my own cervix.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
