actually, I'm a sock model
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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