Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
