I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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