If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
