The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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