How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
