is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
