i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
