My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
