I just threw up on my dentist
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
