I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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