Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
