I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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