Just cropdusted the office
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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