Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
