In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
