So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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