the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
