Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
