you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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