bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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