apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And then my night got REAL pukey
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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