You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
