Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
