I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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