after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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