ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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