I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
God gave him joint rollers for hands
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
