i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
