sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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