you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Your cock deserves a montage
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
