would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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