Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
