So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
