I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
