if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
