so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
