I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
