i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
